Party Supplies
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Necktie Iron on Kit
It’s always the sharp dressers who end up with the damsels who aren’t in distress.
$6 at Zingo Tots
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Valentine Garland
Bam! Five minutes later the house is Valentine-ready. You’re a superior parent.
$3 at Kate's Paperie
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Super Mega Valentine Craft Kit
Is it time to let the kid use scissors? It’s time.
$25 at Oriental Trading Company
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Carnival Face Paint
Brush up on your Princess and Spiderman technique.
$7 at S&S Worldwide
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Dylan’s Candy Bar Advent Calendar
Why do we only use advent calendars in December again?
$150 at Neimann Marcus
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Jaw Vegan Soap
Seems kind of counter-intuitive that it’s vegan, no?
$8 at Etsy
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Custom Headless Portrait
Not just any old decapitated head silhouette, a personalized decapitated head silhouette.
$19 at Etsy
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Set of 2 Zombie Silhouettes
I would make another zombie joke, but I’m afraid the Internet will start throwing things at me.
$60 at Target
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Custom Shower Curtain
The thought crosses your mind every time you’re in the shower anyway.
$55 at Etsy
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Lenticular Man Portrait
“Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for everyone. There’s no turning back now.”
$17 at Target
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Thing, Please Pass the Salt
Seat Morticia next to Gomez, but keep Pugsley and Wednesday apart.
$17 at Target
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Bobcat Stalking Straight
So. You’re really, really into Halloween decorations. You live on a block where you compete with the neighbors, and you play to win. I have an idea so genius that I’m a little loathe to share with the Internet.
As it turns out, taxidermy animal forms look like freakish, deformed, ghost animals, and they are widely available on the Internet.
Uplight one in the front window, weatherproof them (Maybe they’re already weatherproof? I don’t work with dead animals much.) and have an army of animal ghosts in your yard. Genuinely terrifying.
Bwahahahahaha.
$67 at Van Dyke's
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Poor Yorick
For an upscale Halloween centerpiece, elevate this skull lantern on a platter wreathed in red roses. The rest of the year it can accent your Mexican pottery collection, or play a minor part in the high school production of Hamlet.
$62 at Field Museum
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Human Glass Eyes
I think those grapes are watching me. Your cheese tray is creeping me out.
$10 at Paxton Gate
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Bloody Rustic Lantern
Mom? Mooom? Haley tried to put out the camping lantern with her Kool Aid again.
$15 at Target
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Braaaains
Zombie mobile!
Why didn’t they have any of this useful stuff when your kids were newborns?
$30 at Salty and Sweet
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Cupcake Making Kit
How pretty would the tray be if you used on from each pattern? As opposed to all those ugly trays of cupcakes you see these days.
Via Design is Mine.
$20 at fred flare
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Stubb’s Legendary Combo
Give the new dad a break from his steady diet of reheated casseroles. This combo includes smoked whole beef brisket and a slab of smoked baby back ribs.
via Esquire
$89 at Stubb's BBQ
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Monkey Party Kit
Stop sobbing, and put down the glue gun. You can pay people to be crafty for you. If only this party in a box came with a homemade cake.
$93 at Parties by Hardie

